Family constellations impact the way in which we relate to the world around us and the way in which we form our identity. When this happens positively, our families provide us with support as well as the strength of character to expand as human beings. Yet when the lines become blurred or crossed altogether, something completely complicated can ensue in the way in which we relate. This can be referred to as an enmeshed family relationship.
In some cases, in enmeshed families, the identities of individual members can be hidden by the needs and emotions of the other family members. There can be loving and very connected-looking families in which the absence of emotional boundaries can present issues for children and adults in the longterm.
Enmeshed Family Relationship Insights
Enmeshed family members find themselves being too involved in the life, emotions, and decisions of other family members. They may not have much privacy, and their independence could also be discouraged. They experience neglect of their personal boundaries.
In a well-adjusted family, closeness and separateness can coexist. Members of a well-functioning family can support each other and, simultaneously, have some space for their own opinions. The enmeshed family may see separateness as a lack of love. Emotional interdependence is rampant. It would be hard to have a strong sense of oneself.
Enmeshment Family Systems Theory Explained
Enmeshment is a term derived from the model of Enmeshment family systems. It is one of the disciplines in family therapy. The study focuses on the affective boundaries in family groups. Within an enmeshed system, boundaries are devoid of emotions.
Most individuals make their life decisions after being influenced by their family’s expectations. Growing up, children may learn to associate their value in life with pleasing others, keeping the peace, or fulfilling some family roles. Such an upbringing might influence how they live their upcoming adult life.
Signs of Enmeshed Family Systems
In understanding how patterns of enmsted family influence, it is necessary to have the ability to distinguish if such patterns and influence are occurring. These patterns of enmsted family influence can be determined based on levels of intensity, which include:
Emotional Overinvolvement
Members of a family can experience a responsibility within a family regarding the feelings of the other members. When a person feels that he/she is depressed, all the remaining members of the family experience a responsibility to resolve that problem or face the same emotions.
Lack of Privacy and Personal Space
Privacy can be considered to be a secret or a lack of loyalty to others. The thought, association, or process could be under scrutiny and examination by the family members.
Ability to Make Independent Decisions
For certain individuals, it is difficult to decide without worrying about the concerns of their family. For instance, for this small decision, it comes along with feelings of guilt, fear, and apprehension.
Influence of Guilt and Obligation
At this point, when the relatives begin to obligate each other rather than appreciate their ideas, the mind feels uneasy. When the acts are objected to and the efforts overlooked, the individual can develop the feeling of guilt and the feeling of obligation. Family members have to understand each other, rather than objecting and rejecting each other.
Such family entanglements are results of childhood traumas or any other custom in the culture that is handed down from generation to generation. You must be aware that such implications become worse as the time in consideration proceeds.
Effects of Enmeshed Family Systems upon Personal Identity
Enmeshed family dynamics typically lead to an impaired and unclear identification. Eventually, these people can identify what they like, what goal to achieve, or what to value. They seek reassurance in others through external confirmations to define their self-worth. To feel independent may be irritating or even painful. As a result, individuals find it hard to tolerate being alone or come up with their own decisions. Feelings of self-doubt become common, which may result in uncertainty regarding life and personal choices. Such difficulties may, with time, go on to affect career, relationships, and self-esteem.
Enmeshed Family Influence on Relationships
Enmeshment tends to proceed from childhood to adulthood. This behavior affects how someone interacts in partnerships, friendships, or at work. Some of its effects are given as:
Sensitivity to Abandonment and Rejection
Sometimes the separation and loneliness can be quite intimidating. Often, an individual or therapist may find themselves torn as to how to hold on to the relationship while also recognizing that they cannot ever change the dysfunctional pattern of the relationship.
Interpersonal Boundaries
Setting boundaries in a relationship may be felt as a selfish, rude, or even dangerous act. One may overcommit, have issues with saying no, or feel like their happiness is somehow tied to one another.
Dependency-Oriented Relationships
Members of an enmeshed family may find themselves unintentionally seeking out or searching for a relationship. This led to emotional dependency, over-involvement, and confusion among the individuals in the relationship. It contributes to influencing men’s and women’s health.
Embattlement of Emotional and Psychological Wellbeing
Emotional health is one of the areas that has been affected by family enmeshment, which often leads to someone with disturbed mental health. The following are some of the things that often result in embattlement, which come as a result of enmeshed family relationships:
Persistent Anxiety and Guilt: Individuals who are constantly anxious and guilty suffer from the fear of disappointing others or breaking family peace.
Lack of Self-Esteem: If your ideas and values are in no way valued or understood, chances are that you will experience feelings of inadequacy in your family of origin and in your own eyes.
Emotional Regulation Problems: These kinds of people are unable to deal with their emotions. Either the emotions get too much to handle, or the feelings get jumbled.
Physical and emotional exhaustion: Helping other people emotionally may lead to a point where you become so drained that you start experiencing hatred.
In an enmeshed family, no individual struggles with all these problems alone. However, the individuals in such families, most of the time, claim that their feelings are so entangled or overwhelmed that they cannot even function without establishing healthy boundaries and permitting themselves a rest.
Breaking Free from Enmeshment Patterns
What we call enmeshment recovery is not about totally disowning the family or breaking off all relationships. It is more about learning how to set healthy emotional boundaries without losing your closest relationships.
Self-Awareness for the Better Good
The most important thing in that regard is being mindful of your habit behavior, triggers, and reactions. To identify your needs and value system, you can keep a journal, meditate, or consult a therapist/therapist . All these will help you better understand you.
Using Professional Help
You can seek professional help, which would help you to deal with your family trauma. A therapist helps you understand your family relations and ongoing patterns in a better way. A therapist helps you to bring about new lifestyle changes through a positive interaction and makes your life better.
Can Families with Enmeshed Relationships Become Healthy?
For sure, change is always possible. Family members can learn to mutually respect each other’s differences. They may take measures to remain connected and emotionally close to each other. In fact, a healthy family supports the individuality of its members, communicates freely, and respects each other. It is usually a process of leaving denial and accepting reality. You make plans, and even sometimes a professional’s intervention is required.
Final Thoughts
An enmeshed family system may appear to you as a very loving and caring to each other, but deep down, they are struggling to connect. They may have lost boundaries, emotional strains, and blurred identities, but appear totally normal and loyal to each other. They need to understand that healings always begin within. It begins when one becomes aware of oneself and dares to build healthier emotional boundaries among family members.
Read more blogs at Healthvore to discover more about enmeshed family systems. We believe in forming a healthy relationship supporting in nature, rather than suffocating.
FAQs About Enmeshed Family Relationship
What constitutes an enmeshed family system?
An enmeshed family structure is referred to when members of the family interconnect in such a way that their emotional and psychological boundaries get blurred or veiled. Although the autonomy of the individual gets affected, it is difficult for the individual to live freely.
How are an enmeshed family system and a close family system different?
Enmeshed family systems lack clear boundaries among them, whereas close, healthy families respect each other’s feelings and values by giving them privacy and the right to make their own personal choices. Enmeshed families lack these qualities of freedom.
What is meant by enmeshment in family systems theory?
Enmeshment family systems theory demonstrates how weak the emotional boundaries of a relationship are. It explains that these theory systems impact the emotional regulation and the pattern of relation over the period of time. It also reveals that these enmeshed family systems affect the true identity of the individual.
Does an enmeshed family system affect adulthood?
Yes, it can impact drastically as the family environment shapes the habits and the nature of an individual. It influences decision-making, self-esteem, and relationship health. Till adulthood, if these enmeshed family systems are not resolved, they may lead to the development of anxiety, guilt, and codependent patterns in an individual.
When to consult for professional help?
If a person feels stress, anxiety, or any other signs of discomfort that start interfering with their daily life due to family enmeshments, he/she can consult a professional. A therapist will help reduce your emotional stress and exhaustion.
